How I Healed a Broken Heart with Astrology

How I Healed a Broken-Heart with Astrology 

In the past I suffered from bouts of depression. It wasn't to the severity that I would miss work or that it would interfere in my life with my work responsibilities or my ability to navigate life on a daily basis. In fact, if you knew me you wouldn't even realize that I was depressed. On the outside I would be funny, cheerful, and engaging. This was in stark contrast to the gloomy loneliness that I felt inside. 

One of the ways that I began to cope was by getting involved in the hook-up culture.  That is, I would meet men online, have sex with them and never see them again.  It wasn't something that I did often, maybe once every three months or so. It was something I did to make me feel young, attractive, and vital again. I never expected anything serious to come from my escapades. 

Then in early 2018, I met a sweet, handsome young man online. He was about 20 years younger than me and, I think, less experienced than myself in terms of male/male relations. He was not like the other men I met who usually put on their clothes and leave as soon as the sex was over. Instead, lover boy would stay. We would cuddle, and have deep conversations together. What started as a one-night-stand blossomed into a friends-with-benefits arrangement.  We continued to meet on a semi-regular basis for little more than a year. 

Then lover boy became more erratic. I went a long time without seeing and hearing from him and then I got an email from lover boy out of the blue. In his email, lover boy explained that he struggles with depression and anxiety which caused him to abuse drugs. He explained that when he was using drugs it made him "super horny" and he enjoyed coming over having sex with me and spending time in conversation. He explained that his absence was due to the fact that he had been in rehab but the drug he was prescribed during his recovery kept him from being able to maintain an erection and he was embarrassed to tell me. I told him that that didn't matter to me that I enjoyed his company too. Afterwards he promised to come see me soon but that never happened.

Over the next few weeks, I sent lover boy a few texts and emails which went unanswered. My Venus in Scorpio in mutual reception to my Pluto in Libra (hint: it boils down to obsession with love) couldn't let it go so I set about investigating him. I began monitoring his social media accounts.  Eventually, I learned that he had gotten some girl pregnant and was planning on marrying her. To be honest, that did not deter me. I understand that sexuality can be fluid and I had slept with married men before. Through friends of friends of friends (think six degrees of separation) I discovered that the young woman lied to him and he wasn't the father of the child! After this occurred, be deleted all of his social media accounts and the trail went dead. 

Again my Venus / Pluto mutual reception wouldn't let me drop it. I tried a few Return to Me spells to no avail. I searched for him in my tarot-cards and kept getting the 9 of Wands which I interpreted as him being in rehab again. I even tried one of those online background checks but it turned up nothing. Unable to call back my lover boy, I decided to use Astrology to heal my broken heart. 

I set about to create his Natal Chart based on what information I knew about him. I had snuck a peek at his driver's license once while he was in the shower and so I knew his birthdate. I also knew that he was born in this area. Based on my initial meeting with him, I decided that his Ascendant, or Rising Sign was Aquarius. After that things just fell into place and seemed to fit. I confirmed some of the information based on personal knowledge. For example, his 8th House Mars indicated a man with a big dick and boy was that right! 

When I was satisfied with the results, I set about my process for interpreting a Birth Chart. Delineating lover boy's natal chart helped me to better understand him. For example, his Gemini Moon explained his moodiness; his Aries 3rd House Saturn explained his depression; his 12th House Neptune explained his neurotic tendencies; his 8th House Mars explained his insatiable need for sex; and his third house Mercury indicated his ease at conversation. In addition, his Chiron in Libra and the 9th house indicated a wound revolving around relationships and partnerships. Finally, North Node in Virgo and the 8th House indicated that he is to overcome illusionary, codependent, and escapist tendencies and become more organized, efficient, and productive.  

I carried lover boy's Natal Chart around with me for one moon cycle, occasionally taking it out from time to time to read it over. This made me feel closer to him. When I was ready, I then created a Midpoint Composite Chart of his Natal Chart and my own. Just like before, I delineating the midpoint chart which helped me to better understand our relationship. For example, our shared Ascendant indicated an inability of one of us to commit to the relationship; our 6th House moon indicated that one of us put it more work than the other; our 9th house Venus indicated a relationships built on sexual exploration and adventure that would constantly need to be stimulated; our Scorpio mars indicated a heavy emphasis on sex and sex being used by one to control the other or obsession with sex; finally our shared Uranus in the 1st house indicated an unstable relationship that suffered from sudden and unexpected changes. 

Finally the tightest aspects in the chart (remember the tighter the aspect, the stronger it is felt) summed up the relationship. Our tightest aspect was Venus in the 9th house forming a trine to Uranus in the First House. This aspect indicated a relationship in which each partner is interested in the other. They can be openly affectionate with each other and show their interest in new, original, and unconventional ways. One partner played the role of "demanding teacher" and other the "rebellious student". They relationship provided a means by which each partner can explore new experiences (unfamiliar, taboo, etc...) that help shape who they are. 

When I was done, I carried the composite chart with me for a week or so, again occasionally taking it out and reading it over from time to time. I regarded this as a period of grieving for the relationship that I had shared with lover boy.  When I was ready to let go and  move on, I took the two pages, folded them together and burned them in a cleansing fire. Afterward I collected the ashes and scattered them at a four-way crossroads. When I returned home, I engaged in a cleansing spiritual bath to wash away any lingering feelings or emotions of an unhealthy nature. As I write this blog today, I look back on the relationship with a certain amount of detached fondness.  

Carolina Dean