My Best Advice for Today's Gay Youth

 Pride Month 

Pride Month is annually celebrated in June of each year to honor those who fought and died in the Stonewall Riots.  With that in mind, I would like to share some of my best advice for today's gay youth.

My Best Advice for Today's Gay Youth. 

1) In a world full of everyone else, be yourself. Do not compare yourself to others. When you compare yourself to another person what you are saying to yourself and the universe at large is that they are somehow intrinsically better than you or they have more value that you do when this is simply not true. Once you stop comparing yourself to others you give yourself the freedom to grow into your own individuality.

2) Everybody makes mistakes and you are no different.  You are going to do stupid things in your life. Your brain is going to want to remind you of every stupid thing that you have ever done. The point is not to dwell on the stupid things but to learn from them and make a conscious effort to move on.

3) What other people think of you is none of your business. Do not allow yourself to be limited by the thoughts and expectations of others. At some point someone is going to have an opinion of you that is not in alignment with who you think you are. At some point someone is going to laugh at you for who you are.  The truth is their thoughts about you have nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with who they are. Their thoughts are a reflection of their selves.

4) Life can be scary, so learn to deal with your fear while you are young. There are going to be times when you will be presented with an opportunity such as speaking in public, defending yourself from a bully, or telling a cute boy that you like him.. you're going to be nervous, you're going to be afraid and that's okay...be afraid, but do it anyway. Your fear will give you strength.

5) Take care of your body. You're going to be together a long time. If you develop healthy habits now you'll age better and live longer.

6) It does NOT get better. Life does not get easier the older you get. YOU get better. YOU get stronger. YOU develop strategies and skills for navigating through this life.

7) Family is important. However family is not always defined by blood. You cannot be strong and independent 24/7, you're going to need friends and family to give you support along the way. Some of you will be born into a family that will accept you as you are and others will have to seek out their families.

8) Love bites... but it heals. Sooner or later you are going to get stung by love, that is, some cute boy (or girl) is going to break your heart. It's natural to be angry at yourself, to do stupid things to get that person back (see #2), to be angry at the other person, to get depressed and draw into yourself and you might think that you will never love again. Sometimes people get stuck in that place and they go through life longing for love but never allowing themselves to be vulnerable to it or to receive it and that is no way to live. Learn to cope with loss and don't give up hope.

9) Three things you should always keep to yourself a) the number of people you have slept with b) how much money you make and c) your goals and ambitions.

10) Gay men, you are not an accessory. Gay men and straight women can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies. Too may gay men allow themselves to sit on the sidelines and  live vicariously through their straight female friends. They can sometimes be seen as a "safe alternative" to straight men allowing straight women to get all the benefits of having a man in their life and not having to deal with the sexual element. For that matter, you should never be made to feel that you are less of a man because you are gay.  It's okay to support, help, and encourage your friends but that support and encouragement should go both ways.